Senior Ditch Day.

was ultimately unsuccessful. It was pretty lame because of the stinkin weather.
I really wanted to go to the beach =(
Wildly unproductive today. Mainly just sitting around thinking about what to do over the weekend.
Prom tomorrow. I'm kind of sad I'm not going.
I guess I'm just scared of missing out on some good memories before I leave for college.
But then again, I look at the cost and I feel a little better.
Yesterday, I went to Men's Wearhouse? Warehouse? with Daniel Woo to pick up his tux.
Oh man, this one sexy looking tux in the display window made me want to go to prom so bad.
Sigh...I'm happy for those that are going. For those that are not...let us weep and mourn together.

Because I don't do it enough

Thank you Jesus for blessing me with a good, loving family.
Seriously, it doesn't take much to see how blessed I am.
Man, without a loving family like mine, I don't know where I'd be.
My dad's not alcoholic. Hallejuah
My dad's not abusive. Hallejuah
My mom is not an adulterer. Hallejuah.
My mom is not obsessive. Hallejuah.
My brother is not mentally challenged. Hallejuah.
My brother is not unhealthy. Hallejuah.
My sister is not selfish. Hallejuah
My sister is not bitter. Hallejuah.

And that's not even the beginning but I'd just like to take this time
and dwell in the blessings I've been given. I had no idea how blessed
I've been all this time...

I just heard some tragic news.
Today on May 20, 2010 around 6 PM, 15 year-old Tyler Cullen passed away on the basketball courts of CV high school.
He hit his head on the pavement and received a concussion which he never recovered from.

I don't even know the guy or his older brother, Devin Cullen, who is a senior at CV, yet I can't help but feel sorrow for their loss. So tragic at such a young age.
15. He never even got his license.
He'll never experience the pleasure of learning to drive for the first time.
He'll never get a girlfriend, never get married, never have children.
He'll never get to eat another Big Mac or a Chipotle burrito.
He'll never get to laugh, cry, sing, shout, play basketball.
Makes me wonder at how short and fragile life really is.
I must enjoy the little things in life.

I just don't know what to say...I'm sorry.
RIP. Tyler Cullen.

Perfect Imperfections

I've been noticing that I complain a lot in my head. Maybe not explicitly whining and complaining, but contemplating my condition and sympathizing with myself. I always wish it was better, that everything worked out.
But now that I think on it, everything is going perfectly.
Imperfections in my life make me a better person.
I'm not spoiled, arrogant, pompous, and anything else of the sort that I would imagine people with perfect lives to be. Of course, there are always exceptions but I have the sense that had my life been perfect, I would not have been that exception.

So you know what? Thank you God, for not answering every little selfish prayer.
Thank you for wanting to build my character and make me a better person.
Thanks. For everything.

Life is nothing more than a series of unrelated events and experiences linked together. There is no rational explanation or theory, and life goals ultimately achieve nothing but a short-lived satisfaction that prepares one for the inevitable outcome of death.

A sad and pessimistic view of life, but true isn't it?

Perspective matters.

Would you like some wine with that cheese?

I believe its time for me to write a cheesy love song yes?

Though we may not be physically together
You'll always be my secret lover
And we'll never be too far apart
Because you'll always be in my heart

Every time you're next to me
My legs seem to become weak
I can never find the right words to speak
Even though inside I want to scream

All the little fights we've gotten into
Seem so small when compared to
The memories of you and me
That time we spent beneath that tree

I loved staring at your smile
It makes me wanna run a thousand miles
Silence was the language we spoke
As we shared a single stogg

Because you're the one I'll never forget
In this life or even the next
You've become my bare essential
You help me reach my full potential

And when this life is through and gone
I'll go ahead and sing you this song
Because the love we had was forever
And we'll spend eternity together

Just for clarification, I DO NOT have a girlfriend and this song does not refer to any person I know of, so don't ask.

The Beauty of Grace is That Its Free

So here I am back at square one
I screwed up again and now I'm on the run
As sure as history repeats
I admit my defeat
And I hang my head in shame
Afraid to call out your name

But the beauty of grace is that its free
And no one needs it more than little ol' me
Because you loved the biggest screw up
And you gave me a tune up
And showered me with love beyond compare

You picked me up when I fell down
Down on the ground
You brushed me off and turned me around
You saved me from falling off the edge of the rope
And instead gave me the gift of hope

Even when I thought I was not loved
When I thought I was an unknown
You gave me love more than enough
And made me feel like I was your own

Thank you thank you
For the love that you gave
For the people you save
For the road that you paved

Thank you thank you
For loving someone like me
For helping others to see
For nurturing this little seed
To grow into a healthy tree
And now I want to sing
Sing to the king
Despite what others may say or judge
When it comes to my faith I won't budge

Sometimes I stop and think about the things that I live for.
My morals, principles, and values all stay the way it should, relatively stable and only deviating to make room for improvements.
I'm talking about the little things we strive for in the short run.
Many times, it might be grades, a job, a certain new product, etc.
But I stop now and think on my desires, and I can't help but think: is it all just trivial pursuit?
Am I really chasing something worthwhile or is it all immediate gratification that I seek?
Am I living from object to object? Goal to goal? Or is there something worthwhile in the plethora of random crap I look forward to?

I realize that I'm being extremely vague at times in my blogs. And honestly, I'll probably forget what I was talking about in a few months. But its interesting because its the internet.
And EVERYTHING I say or write is potentially exposed to anyone that might take interest in what I say. Its kind of scary and also inconvenient, but it is what it is.

Also, I don't understand why people rant on blogs and stuff about other people anonymously.
Like "I hate your guts." statuses and the like. Its really immature, tacky, and wholly ineffective.
Will that person you speak of see that status and realize that they need to change?
Personally, I wish people would just talk to each other and figure their things out the good ol' fashioned way: face-to-face, person-to-person, heart-to-heart.
It may be harder than anonymous hate posts online, but its more effective and its the "bigger man" thing to do instead of hiding behind the digital wall of pure ignorant hate.

GRAH. I don't know what it is. But something...something about the way I'm feeling wants to be let out.
I wish I could grab a few of my buddies and go down to a studio or something and just jam out.
I want to sing like no one's listening, play like I'm losing my arms to cancer, dance like no one's watching, laugh like its the last laugh I'll ever have, and scream til I empty out my heart.
Whew. Something's weighing me down. Something makes me want to do something overly spontaneous. I have to let it out.

So this weekend was my first time leading in about 3 months or so.
I have to say, its quite liberating. I love leading worship.
But there is also that bit of baggage nagging at me.
Still not quite back to where I was.
Guess I have some work to do.